I saw you yesterday. I saw your round beautiful head, your little nose and lips, your tiny body, your hands, legs and your feet … I saw your toes and I could not believe what I was watching. You have toes?! That perfect that I can distinguish them?
I felt the tears were dropping from the corner of my eyes. You are 16 weeks sweet heart and we did not know! We thought you are only 12 weeks. I saw your little heart that was beating but it was your feet and toes that melted my heart. Were you really moving your cute little foot or it was my mistake? So many times I’ve heard that mothers cry when they see their baby’s sonographic photo and it never made any sense for me! It was just a not so clear black and white image of a fetus (like the ones we see in the books) and no one could ever explained for me why they cried over that photo of their babies. They must have been very excited about their pregnancy or it was the hormones I thought.
Sure the hormones play a big role. But I was not crying out of happiness. I felt I have neglected you. You, the complete human, peacefully resting inside me. Very calm and very assured! Have I nourished you enough? Have I taken care of you enough? Are you enjoying there? I was not aware of you for a whole month! I remember I was going for a diet to lose about 2 Kg. You must have been one month when I was going for that diet. Good that I was not so serious about keeping it! And all of these time, I was reading all the materials one month behind your age … Ah! I started the vitamins one month late too because I did not know … how could I not know that you were growing this much?
I loved your profile. I think you are very pretty. That is so true. I imagined your head, your belly your legs and your feet many times last night. You are real. You little fellow growing up quietly!
But the good thing is that we have passed 4 months together. I started drinking more milk since last week and I try to eat one apple per day! It is not easy! You know I don’t like milk and apple. I also have to announce the news at work. It is getting late. You got us by surprise, although I had the feeling that you must be bigger than just the 12 weeks. I thought you might be 14 weeks. But I was not sure. All the heaviness and fatigue that I’ve felt lately … I am glad you passed the 4 months. And you know what? Your birthday is going to be very close to mine! Hahaha Now we have to wait and see what day you like to pick for your birthday.
Your father was there too, I should tell you. We watched your pictures on the monitor together. He was also very excited and very nervous too. Well, I was kind of glad that he was not laid back, but he was so nervous that I felt I have to calm him down! I told him not to worry even if the sonographist told us there was a problem. Well, that is just the outer face of me. The inner side …. there is no bravery.
The technician asked me if I liked to know about your sex or I preferred to wait for my partner. I told her to wait. I really don’t care. I raised myself this way. I promised myself to be equally open for a boy or a girl child. But there is always an unconscious feelings … hidden in the bottom layers of our mind that we cannot control it. I must admit I was more ready to have a baby girl.
Since I find out I am pregnant, I had a feeling that you are a boy. Or maybe I was afraid that you might be a boy! And when we announced it among family, everybody had the same guess: It is a boy!
And that is what the tech confirmed: I think it is a boy. I smiled and said: we had the feeling that it is a boy. She said it is too early to say it for sure and the result will be confirmed by the next ultrasound in the next month.
Oh boy! :) You don’t know how much I hate to say that “I want a girl” or “I want a boy” … but let me explain my concerns here for you. I am afraid I don’t know how to deal with a boy. I am afraid I cannot be a good mom for my son.
I will write about all those thought that passed through my mind in that single second and I will tell you all about all my concerns. But, one great thing I've learned in my life is that I should never be worry about something that I’ve never experienced! I should never predict the future and how it is going to be, because I cannot! Nobody can! Worrying for a situation that has not happened is the worst way of wasting of time and energy.
Honey I gotta go out now … I will continue this
I felt the tears were dropping from the corner of my eyes. You are 16 weeks sweet heart and we did not know! We thought you are only 12 weeks. I saw your little heart that was beating but it was your feet and toes that melted my heart. Were you really moving your cute little foot or it was my mistake? So many times I’ve heard that mothers cry when they see their baby’s sonographic photo and it never made any sense for me! It was just a not so clear black and white image of a fetus (like the ones we see in the books) and no one could ever explained for me why they cried over that photo of their babies. They must have been very excited about their pregnancy or it was the hormones I thought.
Sure the hormones play a big role. But I was not crying out of happiness. I felt I have neglected you. You, the complete human, peacefully resting inside me. Very calm and very assured! Have I nourished you enough? Have I taken care of you enough? Are you enjoying there? I was not aware of you for a whole month! I remember I was going for a diet to lose about 2 Kg. You must have been one month when I was going for that diet. Good that I was not so serious about keeping it! And all of these time, I was reading all the materials one month behind your age … Ah! I started the vitamins one month late too because I did not know … how could I not know that you were growing this much?
I loved your profile. I think you are very pretty. That is so true. I imagined your head, your belly your legs and your feet many times last night. You are real. You little fellow growing up quietly!
But the good thing is that we have passed 4 months together. I started drinking more milk since last week and I try to eat one apple per day! It is not easy! You know I don’t like milk and apple. I also have to announce the news at work. It is getting late. You got us by surprise, although I had the feeling that you must be bigger than just the 12 weeks. I thought you might be 14 weeks. But I was not sure. All the heaviness and fatigue that I’ve felt lately … I am glad you passed the 4 months. And you know what? Your birthday is going to be very close to mine! Hahaha Now we have to wait and see what day you like to pick for your birthday.
Your father was there too, I should tell you. We watched your pictures on the monitor together. He was also very excited and very nervous too. Well, I was kind of glad that he was not laid back, but he was so nervous that I felt I have to calm him down! I told him not to worry even if the sonographist told us there was a problem. Well, that is just the outer face of me. The inner side …. there is no bravery.
The technician asked me if I liked to know about your sex or I preferred to wait for my partner. I told her to wait. I really don’t care. I raised myself this way. I promised myself to be equally open for a boy or a girl child. But there is always an unconscious feelings … hidden in the bottom layers of our mind that we cannot control it. I must admit I was more ready to have a baby girl.
Since I find out I am pregnant, I had a feeling that you are a boy. Or maybe I was afraid that you might be a boy! And when we announced it among family, everybody had the same guess: It is a boy!
And that is what the tech confirmed: I think it is a boy. I smiled and said: we had the feeling that it is a boy. She said it is too early to say it for sure and the result will be confirmed by the next ultrasound in the next month.
Oh boy! :) You don’t know how much I hate to say that “I want a girl” or “I want a boy” … but let me explain my concerns here for you. I am afraid I don’t know how to deal with a boy. I am afraid I cannot be a good mom for my son.
I will write about all those thought that passed through my mind in that single second and I will tell you all about all my concerns. But, one great thing I've learned in my life is that I should never be worry about something that I’ve never experienced! I should never predict the future and how it is going to be, because I cannot! Nobody can! Worrying for a situation that has not happened is the worst way of wasting of time and energy.
Honey I gotta go out now … I will continue this
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