I have always written letters for you; even when you did not exist; even when the idea of having you did not exist; even when I was resisting the idea of having a child. In spite of all these, I have always written for you in my mind in different occasions … on different subjects… Whenever I thought I should share a thought with you. Sentences after sentences, I’ve written for you at night times, in the bed before going to sleep. I’ve written for you when I was taking a shower or I was driving. Sometimes I wondered how I should put all those thoughts together in a real letter for you, written on an actual piece of paper. I’ve thought how I would start that letter … which one worth to be told ….
So, here we are. Now, you are the size of a small dot somewhere inside me and I finally started writing a real letter for you. Your life has begun for about 5 or 6 weeks and I am ready to welcome you to the journey of your life. I am sure it will be amazing. I am sure you will be great. You will be one of the bests.
I am nervous. The first letter is supposed to be impressive … I play with words and none of them seems perfect to me. Although I’ve written many letters for you so far in my mind, I’ve never imagined having a conversation with you. I do not have the courage to imagine how our conversation would be like. How would you look like? Are you a girl or a boy? Tall or short? Maybe average height :) I feel I am open for any surprises. I am ready for you no matter what. Will we talk like two friends? Or will you stand in front of me yelling at me and calling my ideas ridiculous? The same I used to do with my mom! (This is true darling, and I am not going to hide it from you like what most parents do. We will talk about it later. There is one thing about me and that is I am very honest. The same way some people enjoy wearing reveling cloths, I enjoy reveling my soul and my thoughts.)
These days, I look at people around me … real people, movie characters, everyone … I choose the best ones and I imagine you become someone like them… sounds funny, ha? I know :)
I wish you to have the beauty, the strength, the intelligence, and the self-confidence of them ... I wish the best of the bests for you … but most of all, I wish you to be happy and enjoy your life. I am sure you will find your way. No doubt. We all do and you will too*. I always say there are moments in life that worth all the pain and struggle we go through. I wish and hope you find and cherish those moments. No, no, no, wait! I hope your life to be full of those moments.
There is one big truth about this world honey: no pain, no gain! Do I sound harsh? Do I sound like I’ve started my real life lectures too early for you? I told you I am honest. I’m afraid I picture an unrealistic perfect life for you if I do not say the whole truth about life. You know what darling? For many years I was thinking that it is not fair that people cannot give a choice to babies to choose to be born or not! Well, that is me … there are lots of thoughts I like to share with you but let’s take it easy. I am happy you will be with us soon. We are waiting to be with you.
*I don’t write these to give you hope, no! Don’t get me wrong! I am writing to make myself calm. I want to assure myself that you will enjoy your life. After all, we are inviting you to this life, don’t we? I feel responsible darling. Sometimes, I think you are here to have your unique experiences in life and we are your hosts. I swing between these ideas.
P.S. The first part of this letter was written on Sep. 18, 2009 when flying to Iran. Somewhere between sky and earth from Toronto to Amsterdam!
So, here we are. Now, you are the size of a small dot somewhere inside me and I finally started writing a real letter for you. Your life has begun for about 5 or 6 weeks and I am ready to welcome you to the journey of your life. I am sure it will be amazing. I am sure you will be great. You will be one of the bests.
I am nervous. The first letter is supposed to be impressive … I play with words and none of them seems perfect to me. Although I’ve written many letters for you so far in my mind, I’ve never imagined having a conversation with you. I do not have the courage to imagine how our conversation would be like. How would you look like? Are you a girl or a boy? Tall or short? Maybe average height :) I feel I am open for any surprises. I am ready for you no matter what. Will we talk like two friends? Or will you stand in front of me yelling at me and calling my ideas ridiculous? The same I used to do with my mom! (This is true darling, and I am not going to hide it from you like what most parents do. We will talk about it later. There is one thing about me and that is I am very honest. The same way some people enjoy wearing reveling cloths, I enjoy reveling my soul and my thoughts.)
These days, I look at people around me … real people, movie characters, everyone … I choose the best ones and I imagine you become someone like them… sounds funny, ha? I know :)
I wish you to have the beauty, the strength, the intelligence, and the self-confidence of them ... I wish the best of the bests for you … but most of all, I wish you to be happy and enjoy your life. I am sure you will find your way. No doubt. We all do and you will too*. I always say there are moments in life that worth all the pain and struggle we go through. I wish and hope you find and cherish those moments. No, no, no, wait! I hope your life to be full of those moments.
There is one big truth about this world honey: no pain, no gain! Do I sound harsh? Do I sound like I’ve started my real life lectures too early for you? I told you I am honest. I’m afraid I picture an unrealistic perfect life for you if I do not say the whole truth about life. You know what darling? For many years I was thinking that it is not fair that people cannot give a choice to babies to choose to be born or not! Well, that is me … there are lots of thoughts I like to share with you but let’s take it easy. I am happy you will be with us soon. We are waiting to be with you.
*I don’t write these to give you hope, no! Don’t get me wrong! I am writing to make myself calm. I want to assure myself that you will enjoy your life. After all, we are inviting you to this life, don’t we? I feel responsible darling. Sometimes, I think you are here to have your unique experiences in life and we are your hosts. I swing between these ideas.
P.S. The first part of this letter was written on Sep. 18, 2009 when flying to Iran. Somewhere between sky and earth from Toronto to Amsterdam!
chera avalin neveshtato vase bachat englisi neveshti . che matne ghashango mozuni bud.
پاسخحذفvali baram jaleb bud ke englisi neveshti va inghadr englisit khube ke man khejalat keshidam englisi comment bezaram aberum bere.
mandana to vaghean unique hasti ye madare unique ham khahi bud . va bachatam hatman unique khahad bud . va cheghadr delam mikhad bebinamesh az hamin alan ruzshomari mikonam. mikham bebinam mesle khodet motefakere? to hatta mogheyee ke harf mizani ye juri harf mizani shomorde shomorde chon hamash dari un poshte harf zadanet pardazesh mikoni ye chizayee ro ke manam akharesh nafahmidam oon chiye???!!! hamash dari fekr mikoni tajzio tahlil mikoni . va man asheghe un ghiyafeye motefakkeretam . eteraf mikonam ke delam mikhad bachat dar in mored kamelan shabihe khodet bashe har chand motmaenam intori zajre bishtari mikeshe deghat kardan be riztarin vaghayehe donya.koli harfe dige daram shayad ye vaghte dige vasat neveshtam shayadam bayad manam ye name be baachat benevisam bahash koli harf dar morede madaresh va zendegi daram . duset daram va mibusamet
Mitra joonam, merci az in inke khoondi va merci az inke vaght gozashti o comment dadi. midunam alan bache dashtan barat mozooe ghabele tavajohi nist ... va darket mikonam, mesle ghablanhaye khodam ... hahaha
پاسخحذفneveshtat ro doost dashtam, engar ke neshasti kenaram va darim har mizanim. shayad jaye in harfa inja tooye in blog nabashe. bayad barat ye email bezanam.
man rastesh doost nadaram bacham sathi-negar bashe ama nemikham mesle man be hame chize donya gir bedeh ... be ghole to unjoori behesh kheili sakht khahad gozasht.
ama inke engilisi chera neveshtam: dalile khasi nadareh. engelisim umad! :) man bazi vaghta engelisim miad ... rahat-taram ... bazi chizam hast ke faghat farsish mani mideh ... shayadam ye khordeh delam mikhad ke khanandeaye bishtari dashte basham. Irania ham ke hame english baladan. engelisim ham kheili ma'mooliye azizam. hatman 1000 ta ghalat daram :)
anyways doostam, aslan fekresho nemikardam ke delet bekhad bacham ro bebini :) hese khoobi bood ... bacham az tarafe khale hesabi shans dareh ... kolli khaleye khoob o estesnaee khahad dasht :)
Love you a lot.
So hello baby boy, i love you... i have to write this in English since who knows how fast you can read Farsi and i want you to read Sanazi's comments... Yah here it is! i just have decided to be called Sanazi or Sanaziya... I love you because you are making this whole thing of having a baby so real to me and more than that you are bringing a side of your mommy out that i never knew it exists. Tell you the truth i never thought she will get married... i always thought she is too strong to get married let alone having a kid. Also i thought that it is too ordinary for her... and you have to know that she is no ordinary girl... (good luck with that by the way!!)
پاسخحذفBut today i read her blog and the way she talks to you and i figured out when it comes to Mana ( that's the name i use for your mommy)having a kid is again nothing like ordinary. You know what? She sounds so real and so clear through her words and it makes me to feel her and feel you and how great this experience is. This very common experience of millions and millions of pregnant women all of a sudden has happened to my best friend and it has become such an extraordinary miracle. Yahhh you are a miracle, You are unique and you are extraordinary because you made Mana to walk bare foot on the earth and tells me how it feels and all i am doing is to look at her toes and see it wiggles... sure it is amazing...it gives me a giggle in my heart...You are amazing...I love you...we'll talk more Baby Boy :)
Hey baby boy, i have to tell you two things, ohhh 3 things and then get back to work... 1) on the way home last night i stopped listening to the NPR news and turned on the music and danced as i was driving... i think i was celebrating your very being( or my understanding and my love for your existance) it felt so good...
پاسخحذف2) i parked and i decided to open Hafez for you... ohhh you are having a fun life according to Hafez... if nothing else you have to learn Farsi to read Hafez
3) After so much thinking of all the ordinary jobs that persians have "lawyer, doctor, pharmacist,engineer" i decided that i am tired of same old , same old and i think you should be a Chef... One of those chefs that are in TV... that's for now , we talk later...
From: Saeideh
پاسخحذفTo: Mandana Jon & Dear baby boy,
Mandana,
I am so happy to have you as a friend and waiting eagerly to see your baby. I loved the letters (Your thoughts) about your future baby. They are full of emotions. (Just that part which you explained the age was scary). (Kidding). I am sure you will have a healthy, strong and beautiful baby like yourself. I don’t know you for a long time, but during last two years which we were friend, I always enjoyed to talk to you, come to your home and go out with you. You are a patient, calm and kind person; also a good listener. I am sure you and Kambiz will be a very good mother & father for your child. We (Ahmad and I) love you, and you can count on us anytime.
Dear Baby,
I am waiting to see you and love to be your aunty Saeideh. (Probably you will have many aunts and uncles here because your parents have many friends). I hope you learn Farsi, so it’s easier for me (a lazy aunty who don’t like to talk or write in English) to talk to you. Just to remind you that you have very lovely parents. I know they will be there always for you no matter what, but if you want a pair of extra ears I am a good listener too. (Just to let you know that I am a talkative person too, so I talk first and you listen, then you talk and I will listen).:))
Quote:
A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.
You are the sweetest :)
پاسخحذفLove you all.