9/9/2009

On September 2nd 2009, after about a month of having a weird sickness feeling, finally I realized that I might be pregnant. I took the urine test and BOOM … a very bold positive sign appeared on the screen right away. Then I told your father. We were both happy. Actually it was a mixture of happiness together with strange new feelings. We both knew we wanted to have a child. It had happened before we know it! We were getting ready to go back home for your auntie’s weeding. My sisters’ wedding was very important to me and I wanted to be totally ready for it and to be there on time to be able to help her. I was so busy with planning the trip and taking 3 weeks off from work that I had not noticed all the various signs and signals that my body was sending for me. Plus, working in day and night shifts, changes the body regulations and I was confused what is happening to me! For about a month, I had minor morning sickness, together with a strange change in my appetite. But I was so busy that every day I forgot about my morning sickness just about an hour after I started work. For near 3 weeks, I could only eat Kabob and rice, pickles and Dough – Iranian sour yogurt drink. These are your father’s all-time favorites and after I found out I am pregnant, I told him that you have his appetite! :) I just was not able to take any other food even though I tried to cook my favorite ones. They all smelled bad for me. For breakfast, I only could have bread, honey with butter. I was thinking I have stomachache because of the work and travel stress! Our flight was on Sep 18th.

For the weekend, we went to Marineland. We were looking at all those cute happy children thinking that for the next year or so, we will take you there and you will have lots of fun! I took a picture with a Beluga whale was I was petting her and I was thinking about you enjoying the touch! It was a happy day.

On Sep 8, I could go for a family doctor visit and there my pregnancy was confirmed with blood test. I was given Materna vitamins. These are special multi vitamins for expectant moms. There is a picture of a mother and her baby on the container of the vitamins. I remember that it was the first thing that entered our home/our lives with a picture of motherhood on it and I had a very strange feeling every time I looked at the picture. The next day, I got an appointment with the obstetrician and I also bought the book ‘What to expect when you are expecting’. It is my habit to sign and date any book I buy. Each of my books reminds me of a time and a place or a friend. It was not until I was putting the date on the book that I realized the day was 9/9/2009! It was another strange sign and I took it as a good one. The next motherhood picture was the picture on this book! I could not believe I will turn into a real pregnant woman soon! Everything was new and strange! For a while, I used to hide the book and the vitamins from the public view. Now, look around me! Everything has a baby sign and we are so ready to be parents …soon :)

A teeny tiny piece of skin

When you grow up, darling, you will be amazed that how a tiny piece of skin can be so controversial. In fact, for some people, it can identify you. Some may judge your beliefs based on that!

People have strong beliefs that have been supported by centuries of followers. Most of the times, they don’t bother to think about the reason behind the things they follow. They simply accept it as a rule. These rules are more often supported by religion or culture. It is harder to change a belief or act against it when it has a holly character. But anything can be changed. Just remember that.

On months five, after the second ultrasound, we were sure that you are a boy. While my mind was occupied with thoughts about how well I can raise a boy, and how much you will enjoy having a crazy feminist mom, and my friend was telling me the good news that I will be off the hook for taking you to the bathroom while we are eating in a restaurant, after you are 3 years old (:) I know, everyone had a different thought), your father asked me what should we do about circumcision. The question hit me with a shock. Uh! So now we are in a position to make decision about circumcising you? Parenting isn’t all fun! I mean, I have accepted to be fully responsible for you, for my own baby, but I hate to make this sort of personal decisions for any human beings. It is your body! Your only true personal belongings! How can we decide about cutting a piece of your skin? So my first wild reaction was: “his body, his decision! I am not going to let anybody to cut a piece of his skin!” your father said that you won’t be able to make such a decision for yourself until it is too late to act upon it if you decide to go with circumcision, and that it is on us to do what suits you best.

Your father is a super nice man. But he is the type that accepts what is accepted by the majority. He usually does not question a well-accepted tradition. He smoothly goes with the flow. He is in peace with the world of routines around him and the world is in peace with him. You will meet him soon and you will love him. But his acceptance pushes my buttons! I wonder how he can be so easy-going. How can he be so agreeable? What about his own opinion? Unlike him, I have taught myself to do what I think is right to do, no matter what. I have accepted to move against the flow when I feel I should do, and not being bothered by the consequences. Anyhow, what I love about your father is that he is not stubborn! He is reasonable and although he does not bother to re-think about everything and challenge the world like I do, his point of view can be changed. For you darling, I wish and hope you do what feels right to do even if everybody else disagrees.

So … I started to research. I needed to make sure I am making a correct decision, as well as having a proper answer for you in case you question my decision later. Who knows? Maybe you blame me of being irresponsible and making a not educated decision just based on my emotions. I hope my decision does not cause you any trouble in anytime anywhere, and I buy the risk. After all, you can cut the thing off if you decide to, but you cannot put it back if we cut it off on your behalf! I think that is much safer.

Before I begin my search, I was thinking that circumcision is a religious ritual. I knew it is done by Jews and Muslims. In fact, it is one of the requirements of these religions. You won’t be recognized as a true Muslim or a faithful Jew if you are not circumcised! To me, this is just a joke. With all the respect for the followers, what is the relation between a piece of skin and one’s faith?! Besides, why God would create some extra thing to be removed? Although I know some never agree with me. Some looked at me as if I am crazy beyond repair and I just stopped this discussion … there is no point in that but I think what I think. :) Then I started to ask my other friends with different religious backgrounds and to my surprise, I found that this is a custom of people of the area … Asia, Middle East, etc. Zoroastrians perform it as well. Some Chinese do it as well. It is known as one of the most ancient surgeries in the world and has been performed for many centuries. But, today, there is no known benefit for it. In Canada, the procedure should be performed during the first two months after the baby boy is born. The pros and cons of circumcision are almost equal. Actually, the American academy of Pediatrics does not recommend it as a routine for the baby boys. Although it is not risky to be prevented; and it is only up to families to decide about it based on their culture and religion.

Here are some links (if they are still accessible for you to read them!):
http://www.cps.ca/caringforkids/pregnancy&babies/Circumcision.htm
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/men/reproductive/042.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision

What surprised me the most, were some friends’ reaction to my inquiry. To them, this is something that you should not question it! And I am not talking about every average Joe, I am talking about people who are in the field of research and education! They were kind of shocked and looked at me like I am nuts! My explanations about my concerns were not even considerable for them. So, I tried to ask those who knew me better and would not judge me just based on my idea about circumcision. I got some funny feedbacks too. My sister, for example, told me “OK, if you decided not to have your son circumcised, just don’t tell others about it. If anybody asked, just say that you did it!” :) Right! No need to make a big deal out of it and debate the world LOL she is lovely.
The other answer I received from a friend that I loved (because of its honesty) was: “they bring lots of medical reason that “khatne” (circumcision) is good but none of them have been strong enough to make medicine academy to make it essential procedure after birth for baby boys but it is more like cultural. People do it because IT looks good with Khatne since I have not seen one before without Khatne I was curious but when I saw it, I said to myself I 'll go with "khtane" for sure otherwise the baby would hate me forever for his thingy looks this ugly.. :D”

Eventually, I was softer and more relaxed about the procedure. I even considered that if it suits you the best, I could agree with it. I was not sure any more what is best. Finally, your father asked our family doctor about it. He said almost the same things that I had found here and there. No known benefit or risk. Though, the baby will feel the pain for sure. But he was more frank and expressed his personal opinion: “I would not do it for my own son, although it is in our culture as well. There is no point.” So, your father and I made our decision.

Let me tell you a story to finish. When I was about 22-23 years old, there was a fever for nose job in Iran (it still continues unfortunately). Everybody would go for a nose beautifying surgery, whether they needed it or not! I remember I was in a very busy stage of my life, and I had to get help from my family to follow up with some of my other tasks – I don’t exactly recall what it was, but usually I don’t like to transfer my tasks to others. I prefer to do it myself and it adds extra pressure on me when I have to transfer my tasks to others. Anyhow … so one night I had this weird dream that my parents decided that I needed a nose job! And since I was too busy, they decided to take my nose for beauty operation without discussing it with me! The surgery was not that successful and I ended up with a nose that I did not like to look at and was not even my decision to begin with. I was furious and wanted my old nose back, but there was no way back … such a nightmare! I remember when I woke up I still was mad and it took me a few seconds to calm down and realize that it all was just a bad dream! It actually was a very funny dream, but I still can taste the feeling that it caused for me … it was frightening. I felt helpless in the dream. The idea of circumcision reminds me of my dream every time!

Love,
Your mom